She was nicknamed Carbon Paper. It was not because of her looks although it could have been. Her skin had a charcoal tint which could have been considered a good tan. She was extremely thin, had an almost transparent torso with pencil thin legs sticking out from underneath, and arms which reminded one of sprouting branches of a very young tree that had just been planted. Her arms had trouble staying in place as if she was afraid of falling and losing her balance. The mean ones among the students found her a good source for jokes, the compassionate ones pitied her, yet she was the one who had the last laugh. How did she manage that? By pretending to be handicapped and struggling to survive in the harsh environment of the university.
Carbon had no friends, yet managed to surround herself with students, complaining that she was about to faint and needed help. She always found something to lean upon, claiming that she could not continue walking and needed somebody to assist her. Most students tried to avoid her but somehow she always found a few who happened to be nearby and felt obliged to help.
Carbon’s real name was Sharma, which she liked and wanted to use, but her nickname stuck to her and she could not get rid of it as long as she kept asking for copying favors. Sharma kept asking anybody she could to copy the lectures she was attending. She told the students who were there with her that her hands suffered from a tremor and that she could not write. Students could not help agreeing since she provided the paper as well as the carbon paper, so she always had all the lecture notes and could listen to the lecturer without having to take notes herself. She found out who the best students were and managed to get their notes, always carrying plenty of carbon paper in her bag, hence her nickname.
Carbon possessed a remarkable gift nobody knew about and that was an unusual memory. She could remember pages and pages of text and not make a single mistake. When the final exams approached, she had memorized all the pages the students had copied for her and got the best grades.
As time went by Sharma changed quite a bit. She realized that she could achieve more by being pleasant and changing her appearance. She stopped wearing the saris she had always worn in her native India. Instead, she wore long skirts or pants with pretty blouses and even had her hair cut short and learned to make up her face, so that instead of being an ugly duckling she managed to magically turn into a pleasant young woman.
When graduation was behind her and she had her Masters, she applied for a scholarship since she wanted a Ph.D. Her father, who had sponsored her studies, did not know about it and only found out when she told him her plan during a dinner to which he invited her to celebrate her Master’s degree. That was not the only surprise mentioned at that table. Her father pulled out from his shirt pocket three photos and spread them on the table in front of Sharma. They were photos of three good-looking young men. Her father, with a very serious voice, asked her to choose any of the three photos; for him it did not matter which one. They were all highly educated and wealthy individuals who would make good husbands. Sharma pushed away all three photos and, in a very loud voice, told her father she would never marry, that was her final decision and he should leave her alone. The restaurant was half empty but those who were there turned their heads towards Sharma in surprise. The father collected the photos, including the one that fell on the floor, put them back in his shirt pocket and walked out of the restaurant without giving Sharma another look.
She sat there without moving while the dishes they had ordered were getting cold. After paying the bill she exited without looking at anybody, leaving the other guests sitting quietly, without making a sound. That was the last time Sharma saw her father in a public place and at least a year went by before she dared to visit her home near New Delhi.
Years later when she thought of that incident, she was still sure she had solved the problem once and for all. Her father never again brought up the issue but never again treated her as a daughter in the way he had done before. There were no hugs, no gentle words, no expressions of concern. He greeted her when she came home for a visit but did not ask anything personal. She became depressed about it but did not show any regrets and nobody knew how she felt deep inside. After all, was it not love for each other that made them feel the loss of what they cherished most? Nobody except themselves knew it and even then they could not cope with it.
Sharma could not tolerate being miserable. She gained weight, quite the opposite of what could be expected in such a situation. She ate too much of everything, particularly sweets like chocolate, and could not stop even when she decided to do so. Her life turned gloomy, without any purpose except her desire to study again and prove to her father that she knew what she was doing. She still flew home every summer to see her mother, her sisters and their children, and kept a respectful distance from her father who did not pay any attention to her.
This lasted for three years until she received her Ph.D. While she was studying for her oral exams, she came across an article about religion and became extremely interested in religion in general, particularly the ethical and philosophical aspects. She read several books till she came to the conclusion that she did not need to study foreign religions while she had her own, spread out and ready for her to analyze. And so she did, achieving a deep understanding, just as she always managed to accomplish in every subject she explored.
It occurred to her that she could find a way to her father’s heart, since he was quite religious, by sending a prayer to Lord Shiva, the most powerful of Hindu gods. And so she did. Every night she evoked Shiva asking him to help her regain her father’s love. She was not sure what would happen but was steadfast and prayed every night. Sharma did it for two years and, after finishing her post-doctoral fellowship, traveled to New Delhi to visit her family. Everything was the same. Her father was polite but not affectionate the way he used to be. Yet that changed within a couple of days when he talked to Sharma more about her future abroad and expressed concern about not seeing her often. Things improved from there on and Sharma was sure that her request to Shiva was the reason. She thanked the deity by purchasing a beautiful statute of Lord Shiva and keeping it on her nightstand. One day the statute disappeared and later she saw it by chance on her father’s desk. It was a message he sent her since he knew she would see it, meaning that all was forgotten and he accepted her the way she was and loved her. Since that day Sharma was happy and grateful to Lord Shiva. She showed her gratitude by helping some people that were in need of assistance and benefited from her generosity.
When Sharma left her home to return to the United States to teach, her father, mother, sisters and their families all gathered to send her off with blessings. Her father kissed her on her forehead and told her he would wait for her return. Sharma was crying but there was joy in her heart and gratitude for having her father back. The taxi went around the block and Sharma saw a procession of women who chanted hymns and carried statues of Lord Shiva.
The cab turned on to the highway and Sharma lost sight of them. She settled down in the cab and did not look back knowing she would always return home.